New book can guide parents of teen girls
psychologist Emily Roberts’ new book can help parents guide girls through the maze of social media and steer them away from getting caught up in digital disasters
HElping girls negotiate the teenage years can be a difficult challenge – especially with the added pressures of the digital world.
New book Express Yourself: A Teen Girl’s Guide to Speaking Up and Being Who You Are is geared to helping turn teens into confident women.
Written by psychotherapist Emily Roberts, founder of The Guidance Girl website, it helps teens learn how to communicate assertively over a range of topics.
Here, Emily shares tips on how teens can avoid digital dramas.
Think about who might see your messages and photos
Talking to a friend can mean a lot of different things in the digital world. Emily warns teens in her book: “If you care about your relationships, your future career and your reputation then your online image is important.”
She says with every message and photo you’re expressing who you are and how you want to be seen. So before posting anything you should assume it will be seen by everyone – from teachers, parents and grandparents to future partners and future employers.
Take a digital break
Many teens appear permanently glued to their phones – and Emily says it’s important for them to take a break. She says phones should not be to hand at the table, doing homework or walking down the street. It will help them learn how to practise self-control.
Pause before you post
Emily uses the acronym PAUSE to make sure teens respect themselves and others before texting or posting to reduce their chance of saying something they’ll later regret.
P – Put down the phone or the mouse for a second.
A – Ask what your intention is for what you’re about to text or post – positive or negative?
U – Urge surf. Just like a wave comes crashing down, an urge will lose its momentum if you give it a moment then you’ll be able to think more clearly.
S - Say it out loud and think about how it will be heard.
E – Edit. Before pressing send, make any changes to ensure your message is clearly understood.
Think about the pros and cons and whether they’re short-term or long-term before you send a message or picture, she warns. Count up which decision has the most long-term consequences – then decide if it’s worth it.
Think about pix
Before teens send or forward on a photo to others – they need to think about who might see it.
Studies show about a third of pictures that are texted or sent online and intended to be private are shared with friends or forwarded to others.
They need to be reminded there are also legal issues around sending, keeping or forwarding nude or semi-nude pictures of anyone under-age.
Cyberbullying
If people are posting mean comments or photos about someone online, that’s bullying – and unfortunately it’s pretty common among teens.
Studies show 95 per cent of teen internet users have witnessed bullying on social media – and 90 per cent have seen it but chosen to ignore it.
Emily suggests teens should speak to a trusted adult, such as a parent or teacher, and show them the messages or screenshots of posts.
She recommends not replying online to the bullying messages. She says ask the person to stop – suggesting if they have something to say to you, they can say it in person rather than online.
Text etiquette
Teens can take the pressure off thinking they have to respond to texts quickly by turning off the read receipts which tell others their texts have been seen.
Emily recommends teens avoid texting in capital letters – as it’s like shouting and can seem aggressive. And use “please” and “thanks” to avoid sounding bossy.
Teens should also take time to read through a text before sending to avoid autocorrect problems and to make sure it’s going to the right person.
If they’re in any doubt as to how their text will be interpreted, they should pick up the phone and speak to the person instead.
Express Yourself: A Teen Girl’s Guide to Speaking Up and Being Who You Are by Emily Roberts.