Love Island winner will end up with more money than sense
TV EVENT of the year? Or Blind Date with suncream?
Love Island’s back. It’s that holiday itch that won’t go away.
Luckily, there’s a doctor in the house. Poor Dr Alex keeps getting rejected by all the ladies.
Listen, if he wants to have a bunch of booze-loving wummin all over him, why did he go on Love Island?
He should have just done a Saturday night shift in A&E.
Reports suggest this year’s contestants can expect to rake in a fortune thanks to huge cash endorsements.
Some are worried they’ll end up with more money than sense.
Although, that would apply to most of them if they ended up earning a tenner.
The launch show of the new series gave ITV2 their biggest ever audience, with three million folk tuning in. There’s expected to be a big drop next week – both in viewing figures and almost certainly in underwear falling to the floor.
Channel 4 have responded with their own dating show Hello Stranger.
It’s been slated by the critics for hypnotising struggling couples into thinking they’re single and meeting for the first time.
I’m no expert but surely the best way of getting a married couple to act like strangers is to just allow them to stay married for about 15 years?
Elsewhere in telly land, we also had the British Soap Awards.
Coronation Street picked up six gongs, including Best Soap.
The stars of EastEnders left the bash looking miserable. On the plus side, that’s the one emotion they’re pretty decent at portraying.
Matt LeBlanc is leaving Top Gear. Apparently even Hollywood superstars can’t afford our petrol prices now.
TV chef James Martin is being touted as a replacement for LeBlanc.
They want someone who can create hot food from scratch – in case Jeremy Clarkson comes back and gets offered a cold buffet.
Elsewhere, Simon Cowell’s revealed that he hasn’t used his mobile phone for 10 months.
So if you want to contact him, you’ll have to use the traditional way. Shout his name backwards into a mirror three times while standing inside a pentangle.
And finally, The One Show’s Matt Baker and Alex Jones had to speak about their pay gap in front of the nation.
The exchange turned out to be really awkward and pretty cringey to watch. Meaning it fitted in nicely with the rest of the show.
Ruth Langsford has revealed that she would help husband Eamonn Holmes die if he ever became seriously ill.
Though her decision to assist in his death would be opposed by doctors and lawyers.
As well as the staff at his local Greggs.