ON THE RITZ
have to push the meagre pickings of Russia v Saudi Arabia around our World Cup plates for 24 hours or so.
A sort of World Cup bushtucker trial rather than a mouth-watering hors d’oeuvre from FIFA’s five star banquet.
With a bit of luck, the hosts will have been escorted off the premises before the knockouts begin on the last day of June and play no part in their own party.
That’s what they get for stinking the place out as unruly guests in France two summers ago, when they bored fans to sleep on the pitch while their thugs bludgeoned them into a state of unconsciousness off it.
If Mo Salah and Luis Suarez get off to a flyer then it is likely they will lead both Egypt and Uruguay into the last 16 from Group A, leaving the Russians and the Saudis to slug it out over third place.
In Group D, Lionel Messi will fire Argentina through to their customary place in the latter stages but Iceland may cause an early shock by beating Croatia and Nigeria to runners-up spot.
Brazil will join their old rivals by topping Group E and, despite the ignominy of only beating Scotland 1-0 a couple of weeks ago, Costa Rica will recover to pip Switzerland to second place.
There will be no such facesaving reprieve for Mexico. They and Sweden will come up short in Group F where Germany will lead South Korea into the knockout stages.
Group G will be decided in Kaliningrad on June 28 when England and Belgium will decide which of them goes through in first and second place. In Group H, Colombia, Japan, Poland and Senegal are likely to be splitting hairs until the very last kick of the ball two weeks from tonight. But Colombia should nick top spot while Sadio Mane will inspire Senegal to second place. So there you have it. Fourteen days of full-on Tony Montana for World Cupaholics. Hold on to your ushankas folks. Let’s regroup for the knockouts in two weeks’ time.