Dear Coleen

CAN’T TELL KIDS WE’RE SPLITTING

MY HUSBAND and I have decided to separate after 15 years of marriage and don’t know how to break the news to our two children, who are 13 and 10.

I feel heartbroken for them and I keep putting off the talk.

My husband and I are on really good terms – we’ve been living separate lives for a while now. There’s no one else involved.

We just fell out of love, which we’re both really sad about.

I wish I could protect my kids from this but I know I can’t and every time I think about telling them, I feel physically sick.

Have you any advice? husband are still friends and getting on OK, this is going to really help when you sit down with your kids to tell them.

They’ll see that you’re still friends and still care for each other. I can’t predict how your kids will react but talk to them with your husband and back each other up.

Give them lots of reassurance that it’s not going to change their lives too much and explain that sometimes even if adults really love each other, they’re better off as friends than married to each other.

It’s also important to emphasise that this break-up has nothing to do with them.

Be prepared that your kids might react differently, so you may need different strategies to help them. A good thing to do would be to ask them to write down all the things they’re worried about and then you can address them one by one.

No one wants to be in this situation but the kids can emerge from it OK if you always keep their needs at the top of the list. Good luck.