Dear Coleen

NO CUDDLES OUTSIDE BEDROOM

MY PARTNER says he loves me all the time. He’s a great person and we have so much in common and our sex life is good too.

However, he never shows me any affection outside of the bedroom and it’s starting to get to me.

I didn’t really notice it when we started going out because we were just getting to know each other. Now I want to hold his hand in the street and cuddle him in the coffee shop but when I try to, he immediately stiffens up or drops my hand. Am I silly to be worried about this? affectionate because he’s seeing someone else or that he’s not committed.

Some people are just like that, usually because of the way they’ve been brought up and how affection was shown (or not shown) within their family.

It was actually the reason my own marriage broke up. Those little things mean a lot, especially the longer you’re with each other and have to make more effort to nurture your relationship.

It’s great if it’s exciting in the bedroom but those other things like hugs and holding hands are what help to keep you connected as a couple and keep intimacy alive.

And it can feel lonely if you don’t have that emotional connection outside the bedroom – a bit like living with a lodger you have sex with.

You have to work out how important it is to you. You can talk to your boyfriend about it but you can’t force someone to be affectionate and to be someone they’re not.

But if he knows how important it is to you, then hopefully he’ll think about it and start taking the initiative sometimes.