A HOME AND KIDS.. BUT NO WEDDING

Dear Coleen

I HAVE been with my boyfriend for seven years now and we have one daughter who is nearly four and another baby on the way.

I have asked him why he won’t marry me and he says he doesn’t want to be tied down and that he doesn’t have the money to spend on a wedding.

However, we both work and own our own house, so it doesn’t make sense. What is he scared of? Have you any advice?

Coleen says

UM, HE doesn’t want to be tied down? Well, I’ve got news for him – he couldn’t be more tied down than he is now with a child, a baby on the way and a mortgage.

He’s obviously afraid of making that final commitment but maybe isn’t being entirely honest about why. Ask him what he’s really scared of. Try to get across to him that his attitude is making you insecure because you feel he’s still weighing up his options. If he doesn’t want to be “tied down”, what does he want to do? You need reassurance.

In reality, a marriage certificate changes nothing, until you want to separate and then it’s a lot harder. But saying that, I always loved marriage, as much as I’m not very good at it. It is a nice feeling. However, you can’t force someone into it and if he doesn’t want to do it, but convinces you that he loves you and wants to be with you, then try to focus on what you do have – a nice life, a house and a family.

There’s no bigger commitment than that.