DES CLARKE
It’s shocking McDonald’s staff have had to stage a walkout. I blame the clown who is in charge
OOFT, it’s been a hard Brexit for Theresa May this week. Aye, her Chequers plan got knocked back quicker than a drunk stag do at a strip club.
Then a wedding photographer captured the surreal moment the PM stopped for a photograph with a newlywed couple on the Isle of Wight.
Makes sense for her to turn up for a newlywed’s photo. Well, she’s not the best at arranging divorces.
Everything is affected. Scientists are warning that the EU won’t share information about asteroids that threaten to wipe out humanity if there’s a no-deal Brexit.
Bad news for big Theresa. Being hit by an asteroid could take us back to the age of the dinosaurs.
At which point, she’ll have to persuade the DUP that dinosaurs actually exist.
Transport is knackered, too. A report into the disruption caused by the recent timetable changes on some UK railways has been published.
It could take a while to get through. Under UK rail report reading regulations, you have to read it at half speed and stop for no reason after every few words.
Crime is getting worse, too. A teenager in Nottingham has been quizzed by police about a YouTube stunt where a boy was spun at high speed on a park roundabout using the wheel of a moped.
He was so close to death he saw his life go by in a blur. As well as the swings, a slide and two climbing frames.
There’s danger everywhere – 21 people were rescued this week after a rollercoaster at the Gulliver’s World theme park in Cheshire became stuck.
Of course, it’s more common now to
A SMALL town in the United States has stirred up some controversy after announcing the title of their new local newspaper – the Uranus Examiner.
It sounds like good crack but everyone who works there is full of it.
Aye, most of them are right up their own backsides.
start screaming after going on a roller-coaster. Mainly when you see what they’re charging for the photos of you on it.
Even the telly is losing it. Channel 4’s new show The Circle has been branded a low point for reality TV because it will pick a winner based on how many likes they get on social media.
Haud the bus. The Circle has been branded a low point for reality TV – by everyone who hasn’t seen Naked Attraction.
The bold May’s trying her best to sort that, too.
The Government have backed a plan to double the number of disabled people working in television by 2020. Great shout. They could do it one of two ways – either by having a more inclusive employment policy or by getting Channel 4 to commission another series of The Jump and permanently injure every celeb in the country.
As for Theresa, she still insists Brexit means Brexit. Come what May.
● Eminem has revealed that he received a visit from the US Secret Service after freestyling some anti-Donald Trump lyrics at last year’s Hip Hop Awards.
Trump’s hatred of rappers is confusing to many. Especially given he shares so many of their attitudes to women and guns.