I WANT TO BE MORE THAN FRIENDS

Dear Coleen

I’M a 32-year-old man and I recently met a great woman at an event who I fancied instantly. We got talking that night and she was so smart and funny that I couldn’t believe my luck. She was obviously attracted to me too and we ended up sleeping together.

We saw each other a couple of times after that, but then she called one night, saying she didn’t want to get into anything right now after coming out of a long-term relationship. She said she was sorry but wanted to just be friends.

I’ve really fallen for her, though, and don’t think I can just switch off my feelings. I’m glad she was honest with me before things got more serious, but I feel let down because I thought we had something special.

Should I try to stay on friendly terms? She might change her mind once she’s had more time to come to terms with the fallout from her last relationship.

Coleen says

I CAN almost feel the disappointment in every line of your letter. I think you’re right – it would be very hard to be friends because you want more and you’d already invested in the relationship and hoped it would lead to something really special.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t be on friendly terms with her and stay in touch via email or social media. Just don’t be in each other’s lives – create some space between you.

Yes, she’s been honest and hasn’t led you on, which is a good thing, but you have to be honest about your feelings, too.

Tell her you’d like to stay in touch, but that you don’t think it’s a good idea to see each other as friends.

For now, you need to move on with your life and that’s going to be very hard to do if this woman is still in it.