Coleen tackles readers’ problems

Dear Coleen

TWO years ago, a few months after starting fertility treatment, I had a stroke.

My husband and I were told I was very lucky to be alive and that even if I became pregnant naturally in the future, I could die.

My husband decided we couldn’t risk having children because he’d rather have me.

He called me selfish for being willing to take the chance.

We love each other very much but now he’s afraid to touch me for fear I’ll get pregnant, and accuses me of trying to trick him.

How can I put the dream of children behind us? I’m worried it’s driving a wedge between us.

Coleen says

YOU’VE been through such a lot but I don’t think you necessarily have to put the dream of having a family behind you.

There are other options which wouldn’t involve you carrying a child. There’s traditional surrogacy (where the surrogate is the egg donor too, and impregnated via IUI) and, of course, there’s adoption. There are many children out there looking for loving parents (visit adoptionuk.org or contact your local authority adoption services).

I understand why your husband is terrified – of course he doesn’t want to take a chance with your life. He loves you and your wellbeing takes priority.

So, as desperate as you are to have a baby, you have to take his feelings into account.

And if your doctors are advising you not to get pregnant, then you should take their advice and explore the other options open to you.

Don’t let this drive a wedge between you. Using contraception (which in your case may have to be condoms as opposed to the Pill) will reassure your husband, and you’ll be able to rebuild sexual intimacy.