NOEL’S COSMIC RELIEF
Why TV presenter is ‘positive’ he will survive the jungle
AFTER just hours in the jungle, he was getting people’s backs up and ordering his fellow campmates around as their new “emperor”.
But 69-year-old Noel Edmonds should be able to cope just fine, thanks to cosmic ordering – achieving goals by having a positive attitude and asking the cosmos to deliver.
And although we have yet to see his I’m A Celebrity luxury item, it’s unlikely to be the electro-magnetic pad he credits for that trademark thick hair.
Electromagnetic fields are something of a theme for Noel, who has said “electrosmog”, caused by things such as mobile phones, is destroying them.
But, no matter what solo trials he ends up facing, he won’t be alone, as Noel claims he is visited by melon-sized orbs which he believes are his parents.
Here, in his own words from his self help book Positively Happy, Noel gives his top advice – and lots of it will be very helpful for coping in the jungle. Dealing with trials It’s easy to be positive when every-
thing is going your way. But our real tests and the moments that define us all are those times when we are really up against it.
Another way of dealing with the anxiety generated by negative thoughts is to ask yourself, “what’s the absolute worst that can happen?”.
My belief in the cosmos helps to give my life some sort of order. It’s the spiritual backup for all my practical actions and efforts, a positive force that helps me and provides me with a reference point... The cosmos may be there for me, but it won’t deliver unless I set myself goals, make opportunities and believe in my own abilities.
Face your fears Fear is a natural reaction, in that it is supposed to make us stop and think before we do something. The problem is when our self-imposed limitations dictate our actions and hold us back. A good way to prepare for major changes is to start by making some relatively minor ones. Change your breakfast. Change your route to work. Change your hair and clothes. Try a new flavour of tea.
Take a jungle shower Don’t let the world see you crumble. Instead, get up, have a shower, put on your favourite clothes – and remember that you’re still the person you’ve always been.
Beware of creeping gremlins I think that putting your head down and getting on with it is often the best antidote to uncertainty.
If you think about things too much, the gremlins will creep in and destroy your self-confidence.
Are you outdoors or indoors? Are you by the sea or in the mountains? What is your ideal view? What would you eat? Who would you be? This really is a wonderful way to tap into what you really want. And the best part is, nobody else will have the same day. It’s uniquely yours.
No technology is a good thing If you spent less time hugging the phone and more time hugging others, you really would become that “wanted” person you wish to be.
Picture your ideal day I’m a great fan of the “ideal day” exercise, in which you create a picture of your perfect day from the moment you wake up in the morning until you go to sleep at night.
Positively Happy by Noel Edmonds is out now (Vermilion, £7.99).
A NEW expose from Scottish filmmakers gives a devastating insight into lives destroyed by the greed of the big banks.
Among those interviewed in the documentary is TV star Noel Edmonds, who this week launched legal action against Lloyds Bank as he entered the I’m a Celebrity jungle.
The TV personality is seeking £60million in damages over claims that his company, Unique Group, were pushed into failure by fraudsters at HBOS.
In the film, Spank the Banker, named after Noel’s catchphrase on his former show Deal or No Deal, he talks about being so low that he contemplated suicide.
He said: “Friends asked me, ‘Did you really try and kill yourself ? Life is never that bad.’
“But they weren’t in the quicksand, BY ANNIE BROWN they were standing in the rocks round the pool.
“Like many things in life that are truly life-changing, life-defining, unless you have experienced it, you don’t fully understand it.”
Former SNP MP George Kerevan and Edinburgh director Samir Mehanovic made the film to lay bare the suffering caused by the banking scandal as the institutions tried desperately to claw in cash during the financial crash of 2008.
Some victims, like Noel, fell foul of a scam at the Reading branch of HBOS, the crisis-hit giants who Lloyds acquired at the height of the crisis.
Others were missold products by banks, then left struggling to cope with hefty fees and interest rates that they were unaware they had even signed up to.
Six people, including two former HBOS employees, were jailed last year over the £245million loans scam at HBOS Reading, where the fraudsters used the proceeds to fund a luxury lifestyle of travel, parties and prostitutes.
Noel claims healthy businesses like his were asset-stripped to boost failing banks.
He said: “Now I realise we were groomed, along with hundreds of thousands of other small to mediumsize businesses across the UK.”
Noel is being paid £500,000 to go into the Australian jungle, and says every cockroach will remind him of Lloyds’ boss Antonio Horta Osorio.
Lloyds have rejected the basis of his claim.
If he wins his case, he has promised to help the thousands of small businesses facing a David and Goliath battle against the banks.
George said he first learned the extent of the scandal after constituents approached him claiming they had been “screwed by the bank”.
A trickle of complaints became a flood, and fellow MPs had similar stories to tell.
George said: “I became aware that there are tens of thousands of people, small businesses basically, who after the big banking crisis of 2008 had been screwed by all the banks because the banks wanted money quickly.”
Small to medium-sized businesses had their loans called in, despite there being no default, with the banks claiming their company
Friends asked me: Did you really try and kill yourself? But they weren’t in the quicksand NOEL EDMONDS ON HOW BANK BATTLE DROVE HIM TO DESPAIR
wasn’t valuable enough to secure the debt.
It is claimed some companies were valued at half their true market rate, and the banks were able to take over companies, sell them off at profit and seize personal guarantees – like peop
Critics claim it was for banks to fill their co teetered on the brink o
George, the former All-Party Parliamentar Fair Business Ban continued to fight after losing his seat l
said: “Most people who were screwed by the banks gave up because life had to go on.
“Some committed suicide or they died off in the intervening years.
“The whole premise of the film is to let the victims tell the truth and let the whole thing come out.”
It is claimed £100billion was taken from small businesses who were pushed in to bankruptcy with little recourse under law.
George said: “There needs to be justice and restitution for these small businesses and I never want this to happen again. I want there to be permanent change in the law so that small businesses have a way of being able to get justice from the big banks.”
Small businesses have less protection against banks than an individual consumer. Often the only choice is litigation, which is too costly for most.
In the film, Heather Buchanan, director of policy at the All Party Parliamentary Group for Fair Business Banking, said litigation was an overwhelming prospect.
She said: “Generally the advice from solicitors is, if you want to take on a financial institution, dig your heels in, clear your diary for the next 10 years and have several million pounds behind you. It is spectacularly devastating for people’s lives.”
Jim McGrory, from St Andrews, claims the Clydesdale Bank missold him a tailored business loan, or TBL, of the type which were nicknamed “time bomb loans”.
Thousands of small and mediumsized business have complained that hidden break-fee liabilities in TBLs, which were added to their loans, prevented them from financing or refinancing their businesses and in some cases pushed them under.
Jim, a former hotelier, took out a £560,000 fixed-rate loan with Clydesdale in 2007 to help buy and refurbish three properties.
After a row over an overdraft on his account, he tried to refinance and was quoted a break fee of £81,000.
The ensuing row over the loan meant Jim had to sell two of his properties. He was offered a £142,000 settlement by the Clydesdale in 2016 after pursuing his case with the ombudsman for six years, but he says he suffered losses of nearly £1million as a result of having to sell his properties prematurely.
Jim said that taking on the bank had consumed his every waking moment.
“It becomes a cancer,” he added. “It takes over your life. You can’t do anything. You are stuck.”
But he went on: “Unless they are taken to task, the banks will always think they are untouchable and no one can bring them down.”
British BAFTA-winning film director Samir, a Bosnian who has lived in Scotland since 1995, said making the film had opened his eyes to the corruption and greed of the banks.
He said: “I was shocked and I had to question my beliefs in democracy after the stories we heard. Corporations are running the world without any scruples. They are in charge.”
He said that after the Government bailout of the banks, no lessons were learned and financial institutions were left to run amok with people’s lives and money.
“The bailout was like giving the bullies more rights to bully more,” Samir added.
“They didn’t get punished, they were rewarded for crushing their own business and thousands of others. While bankers have continued to chase bonuses, thousands of people have seen their lives and businesses ruined.” The film will be shown in cinemas across the UK from the New Year. For details, go to www.spankthebankerfilm.com