If Brexit doesn’t work out, May can always get reality cheque
NOEL Edmonds has entered the I’m A Celebrity jungle as emperor of the camp. Yes, they’ve given a 70s Radio 1 DJ a lot of power and a bit of jewellery. Surely nothing can go wrong.
Maybe he’ll pass on some leadership tips to Theresa May. The PM is heading to Brussels and taking some vitally important papers with her.
They’re copies of her CV, which she’ll be handing out in case she needs a new job by the time she gets back home.
May has told her Brexit critics she won’t stand aside. She’d like to, but the leg movements are too complex for someone with her dance skills.
The Prime Minister has also told business leaders in the CBI that her Brexit deal will deliver a fair immigration system in which EU nationals can no longer “jump the queue”.
They’ll only come here to take jobs that nobody wants – like Brexit Secretary.
When it comes to a leadership challenge, Jacob Rees-Mogg is waiting until the time is right. From the nick of him, his time was roughly the year 1847.
Even Danny Dyer’s got involved. He roasted Boris Johnson in an expletiveridden rant. No one’s ever called Boris such a terrible collection of names. Well, apart from Theresa May, his ex-wife and anyone else who’s ever met him.
Maybe Theresa needs to enter the jungle, or even the dance floor of Strictly.
Former professional Flavia Cacace has claimed that the programme’s curse only happens to people if they are not in a “happy place”.
To be fair though, Strictly is responsible for the end of millions of
SIR David Attenborough is making a bold bid for a Christmas No1. And if the turkey’s particularly heavy, maybe a Christmas No2. Producers claim that Sir David would also have rescued the struggling penguins on his TV show Dynasties. Big Davie’s always happy to save helpless creatures struggling in the wild. After Noel Edmonds entered the jungle, Attenborough plans to rescue all the contestants on I’m a Celebrity.
relationships, particularly the ones between The X Factor and its former viewers.
Or could the PM take the ultimate leap and try Love Island? It would make a change meeting a bunch of folk in Europe wanting to screw you when it isn’t an EU summit.
Love Island can lead to other things too. Ex-contestant Samira Mighty is to host an interactive game show on Facebook where hopefuls can win up to £10,000. It’s similar to the game you can play on Facebook at the moment, when you give them all your details and they make ten grand selling them on to every company on the planet.
So there ye go, Theresa. If Brexit doesn’t work out for you there’s plenty of TV shows that will welcome you with open arms.
You might even make a right few quid. That’s what I call a reality cheque.
l A NO-DEAL Brexit could apparently see Mars Bars run out within a fortnight. Not sure if this is true or just a careless Wispa. Will other chocolate bars follow suit? Of course. They’re Bounty.
l NISSAN chairman Carlos Ghosn has been arrested and fired over claims of financial misconduct, including under-reporting his package – which is a surprise, since men who like to show off about their cars tend traditionally to have the smallest packages.