Coleen says

I THINK it’s important to take back some control in order to feel stronger and more confident. So don’t wait for him to make decisions about your future. Decide what you want and set the wheels in motion.

From what you’ve told me, I’d suggest he’s probably wanted to explore this side of his sexuality for a long time and if he’s moved in with this other man, you can’t sit around hoping it’s some sort of short-term crisis.

The most important thing to do is focus on yourself.

Talk to him about the practical stuff – the house and any joint finances – and decide how you move forward from there.

I know you’ll be thinking your entire 20-year marriage was a lie but that’s not necessarily the case. And if you’re worried about what other people will think, then don’t. Those who love you and care about you will just want to be supportive.

I WAS interested in the letter from the guy who was thrown out by his wife after a one-night stand with another woman (Dear Coleen, Nov 7).

Yes, he made a very big mistake but sometimes this kind of thing can be a wake-up call for a marriage and lead to both partners making an effort to work things out.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of taking each other for granted but I hope they can work it out in time.

SJ Kemp, by email