Thesnowflakes ofthisworldare frightening..any moreofthem andwe’reout

demanded the panto be taken off because of the filth.”

The Toughs have been together since they were 18. They finish each other’s sentences and slip easily into routines from their act – including re-enacting the bit that upset the mother who had brought her two kids to the show.

Ian started: “Alice is introduced to Dick Whittington and he gets a twinkle in his eyes.”

Janette took over: “I say, ‘I think Alice likes you, Dick.’ Then John says, ‘I hope Alice likes Dick.’”

The same woman complained about her coming on stage dressed as Jimmy Krankie, wiggling her pinkie out of the fly of her shorts. It’s a visual gag that’s as old as the character himself.

Ian said: “There’s a brigade now who want to change all of this. The snowflakes of this world are frightening.”

Janette added: “Any more snowflakes and I’m out of it.” he Toughs met at the Pavilion and were working the northern club circuit in the 60s when they came up with the idea of putting Janette, who is 4ft 6in, into a cap and blazer.

Ian recalled: “We did two 20-minute spots. One was all visual with huge props, spinning Mexican hats and big bass drums.

“The second was comedy Scottish songs and Highland dancing. At the end, Janette did Moira Anderson, singing These Are My Mountains. Her t**s got bigger and bigger as she was singing – they were on a valve system with a foot pump.”

These delights were not enough for the audiences of north-east England. There, comedians were expected to perform three spots a night. What else, the Toughs wondered, could they do?

Ian said: “We did a wee boy coming through the audience looking for his mum. We had two jokes and a comedy song at the end and that was it.

“We ad libbed it all, it all came from the audience.”

Janette immediately has her Geordie accent on and is back on the sticky carpets of Darlington and Hartlepool. “What’s the matter?” “I’m looking for me mam.” “Who’s your father?” “Some soldiers. She never wanted me. She went to the doctor to have me terminated. He said she’d left it a bit late seeing as I had started school.”

It went down like free stotties and Newcastle Brown.

And when they appeared in the 1978 Royal Variety Performance, in front of an audience of 24million, their fate was sealed. Janette was destined to wear shorts and tackety boots for the next 40 years.

In those days, the year was centred around a summer season at a holiday resort. Janette said: “Torquay, Bournemouth, Blackpool and Yarmouth were the biggest ones.”

Ian is the numbers guy. “In Blackpool, in 1982, we did 124 consecutive sell-outs on the North Pier. Filling an 1800-seater twice a day.

“At the end of the run, the management gave us a case of champagne to say thank you. Between us. While they were making a fortune.

“Next time, our agent negotiated that we would get the last two rows as our bonus.”

Now their year revolves around panto. They pop up elsewhere – in the recent Absolutely Fabulous film or on the BBC’s The Real Marigold Hotel – but are quite happy to do a Christmas season, then spend the next three months lying on the beach.

They live in Coolangatta, on Australia’s Gold Coast, from January to March. The rest of the year is spent in Torquay.

The Toughs left Scotland when they were 19 and have no plans to come back. Janette said: “We still feel Scottish but wouldn’t live here now because of the weather.”

It’s a lot of pressure to come up with

IAN TOUGH ON WHY YOUNG AUDIENCES LOVE JIMMY KRANKIE

the sizzly cameos and instantly recognisable characters that a big commercial panto requires.

Janette has been Miley Cyrus on her wrecking ball, Ozzy Osbourne and Susan Boyle.

She said: “These are our own ideas. I have everything made.”

Janette is not sure how many more seasons of schoolboy cheek she has left in her. But today’s youngsters enjoy a tiny OAP in a school tie as much as their parents did.

Ian said: “It’s the anarchy, the cheek of that boy. They want to say exactly what Jimmy said but they know if they do, they’re going to get a clout.

“He’s a right rude wee boy and he gets away with it.”

Cinderella is at SEC Glasgow until December 30.