MHAIRI CHRISTMAS PRIME MINISTER.. YA PURE BAM
A FEMALE Labour MP has been found guilty of perverting the course of justice by lying to police about who was driving a speeding car. It must have been bad – Jeremy Corbyn called her a “stupid people”.
Yes, Jezza has denied calling Theresa May a “stupid woman” during Prime Minister’s Questions.
He’s been told that, as a Labour leader, he shouldn’t say things like that, as that’s the job of her colleagues in the Tory Party.
May said she was disappointed by the aggression of what happened. Really? Imagine how she’ll react when Mhairi Black square goes her and Theresa’s having to lip read the words “pure bam”.
The sound of drones dominated this week. Forget Gatwick, I’m talking about the guff chat down in Westminster.
The PM’s Christmas card livened things up. It’s of snow falling around a Christmas tree… while she roasts Boris Johnson’s chestnuts on an open fire.
Jacob Rees-Mogg also has an official Christmas card. It’s a picture of life in harsh winter from a Charles Dickens novel. An image he was able to conjure up very accurately, by taking a selfie.
Mind you, it’s not easy for folk at Christmas. There’s the pressure to couple up at this time of year, for example.
According to research, if you’re on a date and the person you’re with lowers the pitch of their voice it could be a sign they fancy you. Which explains why the last person I went out with sounded like she’d just inhaled from a helium balloon.
If they really fancy you, though, their
EDINBURGH Monopoly is set to become the most popular in the country. Mainly because it’s the only way anyone can actually afford a hoose there.
It’s got some brilliantly realistic features. Everything trebles in price in August. As you move around the board, 43 American tourists stop and ask you where the castle is.
And you can play as a tram but it will take you five years longer to finish the game.
voice won’t drop immediately. But, if you’re lucky, their underwear might.
Sales of cactus plants are increasing this Christmas thanks to the popularity of their pictures on social media.
They live a long time, they’re prickly and they prefer the house to be really hot. Put one in a cardigan at Christmas and it could replace an elderly relative.
Which brings us to the festive story that sums this week up.
It’s been revealed that this year’s crop of Brussels sprouts will be much smaller because of the summer heatwave. Yet another typical Brexit story.
As usual, Brussels are giving us less than we hoped for. Season’s greetings! Sylvester Stallone has promised fans
a “very intense” Rambo movie as he wrapped up filming on the fifth and final instalment of the action franchise.
I’m not saying the franchise has aged but in this movie there are 200 deaths. Most are from natural causes.
● According to a study, couples who argue have a lower risk of ill health and dying prematurely. Worrying news. If this is true, Mel B is immortal.
● The Home Secretary says a skillsbased immigration system will be introduced to get control over UK borders when free movement from the EU ends. Meaning people with low skills won’t be allowed to come here. Which isn’t a problem. Judging by our MP’s, we’ve got plenty already.