Dear Coleen

CAN’T STAND BROTHER’S FAMILY

I’M a man in my 30s with a wife and a young son. We stayed with my parents over Christmas, and my younger brother and his girlfriend and kids were there too.

It was horrible – we argued over everything, from our kids to what to watch on telly.

My brother and I have never seen eye to eye but try to get along for the sake of our parents, but it always ends in arguments and bad feeling.

Stupidly, we agreed before Christmas to spend the Easter holiday with them all in Spain but, after recent events, I really don’t want to go.

I feel bad for my parents, but I don’t want to be around my brother and his family – it’s not a holiday for any of us. Is it bad to just keep our relationship to emails and social media? I feel guilty, but we just don’t get on. people and I think it’s right that you don’t want to upset your parents. So why not be the grown-up here and talk to your brother and agree on how you’re going to play it going forward.

Maybe from now on you don’t spend days under the same roof as each other, but can agree to be civil for a day when you’re with your parents. Don’t put yourself in situations where you’re together for long periods of time so you start to get on each other’s nerves.

As for Easter, tell your parents you can’t go because of work or some other reason, but perhaps suggest a weekend where you can all get together for a day.

Compromise is important in all relationships and I’m sure you and your brother can find one that suits you both, and keeps your parents happy too.