Dear Coleen

I’M a 65-year-old (in the closet) gay man. I knew I was gay back in the late 60s when you could be put in prison for your sexuality.

I left school at 15 and went to work in a large factory and I loved it, but I heard what people said about homosexuals, so I was determined never to let people know I was one of them.

At that time there was no place to go for help. I only heard about actors being arrested or leaving the country, or saw stereotypes on TV.

My parents were homophobic and my mother would have killed me if she’d found out.

She’s taken a knife to me in the past for a lot less, but that’s another story, so I went out with girls, but when it came to sex it was a disaster and made things worse for me mentally.

My sex life has consisted of going abroad on holidays and having drunken one-night stands, but even abroad I was nervous about going into a gay bar in case I ran into someone I knew.

Now I come to the part where I need advice. For the first time in my life I have strong feelings for another man. He is half my age and works for a family business that I visit maybe three times a year. I don’t know him to speak to, but sometimes our paths cross in town and we sort of look at each other.

I feel like a 15-year-old when I see him and can hardly put one foot in front of the other. I don’t even know his name or if he’s straight or gay.

I’ve felt like this for three years now. I would be grateful for your help.