Ozzy gets the flu while Meghan gets needle with Kate
OZZY Osbourne is now stable in hospital with complications arising from flu.
Poor Ozzy didn’t have his flu jab this winter. He wanted to but it would have taken the GP four months to find a vein.
Maybe Ozzy should talk to Meghan Markle, who is reportedly turning to acupuncture to boost her blood flow as she approaches her due date.
Luckily, she has quite a few spare needles handy. They’re in the voodoo doll she’s made of Kate Middleton.
Sticking with the royals, Cold War plans to evacuate the Royal Family from London have been reworked in case of riots after a no-deal Brexit. It’s thought many of the older members of the House of Windsor would return to their traditional home, or as it’s more commonly known, Germany.
Talking of Brexit, it’s emerged that the Government spent nearly £50,000 printing copies of Theresa May’s EU withdrawal agreement. Copies of the next one will be printed on Andrex, partly for reasons of cost but mainly for reasons of irony.
And hotel booking sites have been investigated over misleading claims amid suggestions they make hotels seem more popular than they really are.
It’s easy to spot the lies though. Like credit card charges, local taxes and the idea that anybody is really interested in booking a night at a Travelodge.