RICHARD WOOLFORD,

38, is an events manager who also writes social media posts for Have I Got News For You.

■ I bought my girlfriend some slinky underwear. Now she keeps falling down the stairs.

■ Onion rings, I didn’t answer though.

■ I know a baker who uses a gardening tool. He’s raking in the dough.

■ Why does Donald Trump continuously dress the Christmas tree? Because people kept saying moron to him. @rwoolfordcomedy