Dear Coleen

I TELL MY GIRL ABOUT OUR ROWS

MY HUSBAND and I have been together 17 years and we have a 16-year-old daughter. She’s such an old soul and we have a lovely relationship.

In the last few years me and her dad just haven’t been getting on and I sometimes talk to her about it. I never criticise her dad but I do tell her about the arguments we’ve been having and how hard it is that he’s away so much.

However, I’ve told a few of my friends this and they’re appalled that I’d talk to my daughter about this. They think it’s completely inappropriate and that I should keep stuff like this from her because it’s not fair on her to hear about what’s going on in her parents’ marriage.

What do you think? her shoulders and she was the one who helped me realise I needed to leave the marriage.

She used to say, ‘Don’t just stay for me, mum. I love you and I love dad, but I don’t think you’re happy together any more and I don’t think you need to stay together on my behalf’.

Having said that, I know friends who have split up and used their kids as a weapon with which to hurt the other person.

There’s a fine line you shouldn’t cross. But a lot of it depends on the kid, and what sort of stuff you’re telling him or her. Be led by your daughter. If she seems happy and interested in what you’re saying, go for it. If she gets upset or defensive then back off.