HER BOYFRIEND IS A ‘BAD LAD’

Dear Coleen

I REALLY don’t like my daughter’s boyfriend and it’s causing lots of arguments between us. They are only 17 and while she’s a good student and should do very well in her exams this summer, he’s a bit of a wild card – a naughty boy.

I see the appeal – he’s very handsome and charismatic – but I’m worried he’ll lead her astray and she’ll end up failing and not getting the university place she says she wants.

The thing is, I don’t have much of a leg to stand on as I became pregnant with her older sister when I was only 18 after falling for a bad lad, and didn’t settle down until I met her father.

Coleen says

I GET it, but you have to be careful you’re not overplaying the, “I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did” card.

If you’re constantly saying you’re not keen on her boyfriend, it’s only going to make him even more attractive to her – think back to how you reacted to your parents’ lectures.

She sounds like a sensible girl and a good student, so why not have a little bit of faith in her?

Is she still studying hard and keeping to your rules in terms of where she goes and when she comes home at night?

What you don’t want to do is push her away or make her feel so nagged she doesn’t want to study and decides instead that she just wants to kick back and have a good time.

Emphasise all the positive things – tell her you’re proud she’s such a good student and tell her she has the ability to be anything she wants to be, rather than focusing on this boy.

Of course, we should guide them if we think they’re heading in the wrong direction but kids have to learn their own life lessons and choosing partners is all part of growing up and exploring who you are.

When she goes to university, the chances are she’s not going to be with this boy anyway or the relationship will quickly fizzle out. Sometimes when you accept you can’t control everything, it actually helps.