How do I get over my long distance lover’s cheating? Dear Coleen
I’M IN a long-distance relationship and my boyfriend cheated on me. He confessed right away and the next morning was in tears over it. My problem is, I do believe he’s sorry but I don’t know if I can trust him.
We actually met while he was still married. We fell in love quickly and almost slept together but I stopped it. He finally split up from his wife and contacted me and we’ve been going out ever since.
He was with his wife for 10 years and never cheated on her. However, his marriage ended just over a year ago and he’s cheated on me already.
He claims I’m the one for him, that he loves me above all else and wants to be with me. We had six months together before we had to go long distance for the next five. We’re almost at the end of this time apart and we’re supposed to be reunited soon.
He said from the start that no physical intimacy might be hard for him but we did see each other halfway through this time apart. Now he’s had a weak moment – I guess this woman was throwing herself at him (not his words), he was drunk and he missed being touched. Now he wants me to work through this with him. I just don’t know how.
Coleen says
YOU’RE making a lot of excuses for him and I don’t think you can blame the other woman – he played his part and he could have said no. He could have avoided getting himself into that situation in the first place.
I think part of the problem is that you only had six months together before having to separate, not a great foundation for a long-distance relationship, especially when he’s just emerged from a 10-year marriage.
I think you have to be careful you’re not the rebound lover and consider that he might not be ready to get into another serious relationship, even if he thinks he is and even if he really cares for you.
I don’t know whether you’ll be able to trust him, but you have to start with trying to rebuild the trust. Perhaps you can try by dating again but not making any big commitments and see how things develop and if it feels right.
However, I think he needs to be honest with himself and with you about how ready he is to commit.