BEING MUMS HAS MADE US ARGUE A LOT

Dear Coleen

SINCE I became a mum – my daughter is nine months old – my relationship with my partner has gone rapidly downhill.

It’s not so much the tiredness, which I know a lot of couples struggle with, but the fact we’ve just stopped relating to each other the way we used to.

My partner is hands-on with the baby and she’s actually very good, but we have niggly arguments over stuff that doesn’t matter. I want to nip this in the bud before it becomes really serious – have you any ideas?

Coleen says

A CHILD changes your relationship, even if they’re unbelievably good and you’re getting enough sleep. I remember saying to both my husbands, “I have no idea what we argued about before we had kids”.

It changes your outlook and your expectations, and all that love and attention you used to focus on each other goes to the baby.

Everything is about the baby – you stop asking each other how you feel or how your day’s been because every conversation is about your child.

Can you get through it? Yes. Do things ever go back to how they were? No. But it doesn’t mean you can’t be just as happy.

You have to make a conscious effort for each other. Take a minute to type out a nice message, do some lovely things for each other (however small) and remember you’re a team, and a good one.

It is important to find a balance and, when you do send a loving or sexy text, which doesn’t include what’s for dinner or who’s bought nappies, the feeling lasts all day.