Mugging’s wrecked my confidence

Dear Coleen

I’M A woman in my 30s and was mugged for my phone on the street recently. Since then, I’ve struggled to go out on my own, which is difficult as I have two young children and they were with me when it happened.

I’ve lost my confidence entirely and feel angry that I don’t feel safe in the area where I’ve lived for 10 years. Have you any ideas on how I can get back to normal?

My husband is sympathetic but I don’t think he really gets it.

Coleen says

I GET it – it must have been very scary, especially as your children were with you. There are other people who will get it too, and can offer advice.

Get in touch with Victim Support in the first instance – call 0808 168 9111 or visit victimsupport.org.uk. What you mustn’t do now is let what happened overwhelm you – don’t let that person win.

It might help to reframe what happened. Yes, he got your phone, but you’re fine and your kids are too. A phone can be replaced and the chances of it happening again are very slim.

I think one of the hardest things to deal with, as well as feeling vulnerable and unsafe, is the anger inside because you have nowhere to direct it.

However, most people who have been a victim of crime find talking about it really helps.

CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) can be effective as it helps you to think differently about situations, as well as giving you coping mechanisms to deal with anxiety.

So speak to your GP, who may be able to refer you for group or one-to-one sessions.

As for your husband, perhaps his way of dealing with it is to try to cheer you up and move past it when what he actually needs to do is acknowledge your feelings and let you talk about them.