Don’t suffer in silence
Service held to celebrate lost loved ones
FAMILIES whose lives have been shattered by tragedy are encouraging other victims to reach out for support at Christmas.
Heartbroken relatives of those lost to murder, suicide and other traumatic events have told how they found comfort in sharing their grief.
Michael Byrne, a survivor of the Clutha disaster who lost his dad to murder, spoke out at a service organised by Lanarkshire charity FAMS (Friends and Families Affected by Murder and Suicide).
In a poignant speech, Michael, who set up a mental health group after the 2013 crash triggered memories of his dad’s violent death, encouraged others not to fight their memories of loved ones.
He said: “Embrace what you’re feeling and what your emotions are. Don’t stifle them. Be proud of what you’re surviving and going through.
“My father always invited me for a pint on Christmas Day. It was a rite of passage and a beautiful memory.
“Now I hang on to that memory, respect it and love it, rather than all of the years after my father’s murder when I was running away from my memories. The memories can sit well with me now.”
Michael helped rescue injured customers when a police helicopter hit the Clutha Bar in Glasgow, causing the deaths of 10 people.
The horror unearthed grief he had suppressed following the brutal murder of his dad Timothy in 1996 and his life started to unravel.Timothy was bludgeoned to death by James
McDowall, at his home in Glasgow’s Gorbals when Michael was just 26.
McDowall was jailed for 15 years for culpable homicide.
The Clutha tragedy led to Michael suffering flashbacks about his dad and considering suicide. He was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder.
The 49-year-old, who helped set up support group WEsPEAK, said: “After every traumatic event I went through, I ran away from it in my mind.
“I would encourage anyone struggling this Christmas to talk. Whether it’s to someone like me, a stranger or a support line or group, don’t keep it in.”
Timothy’s name was read out in a memorial roll call at the service in Motherwell South Parish church.
Sisters Roslyn McGilvray and Catherine Cocozza, who have also suffered family trauma, helped organise the event.
Rosyln’s son, Paul Gerard McGilvray, 20, was murdered in Coatbridge in 2004 by a frenzied knifeman, who later bragged to police he had enjoyed it.
Sean Toal was jailed for 15 years in 2005 for his murder.
FAMS referral manager Catherine said: “The overwhelming difference in grieving for someone who has died by suicide or murder, is that irrespective of time, there is no closure.
“There are always too many questions unanswered. Why? What if ? If only? Christmas and
New Year are particularly difficult. The families are surrounded by hype, festivities and the idea that they should be having a merry Christmas.”
Grieving gran Janet Fraser, whose 18-year-old grandson Conner Cowper was murdered by a girl at a party in April last year, has also contacted FAMS.
Conner died after Jolene Doherty, then 17, plunged a knife into his neck in Holytown, Lanarkshire.
Doherty is serving at least 16 years after being convicted of the cocaine and boozefuelled murder, which came after Conner was said to have called her a “stupid wee girl”.
Janet, 60, says FAMS helps her through her darkest days.
She said: “Conner was like a son. He had his mummy one and mummy two. Some days I just tell myself he’s coming back as it’s the only way to get through some days.
“I just get so angry at the thought that Conner’s not here and she’s in there getting everything when she slaughtered my grandson.
“I don’t even want to celebrate Christmas but I don’t know where I’d be without FAMS. I phoned them up one day and was with them the next.
“They know what you’re talking about and you feel safe. When I go in there, I feel as if Conner is there with me.
“If you’re struggling at Christmas, just pick up the phone. There will always be someone at the other end to comfort you.”
Stewart Handling, 49, whose daughter Grace died at 13 after taking ecstasy, is facing a trial next year after an 18-year-old man was charged with her culpable homicide.
He also reached out to FAMS. He said: “Grace was a shining light in my life. She’s not here for Christmas and she should be here.
“There have been times in the past I’ve been so desperate, I’ve phoned Samaritans and not been able to speak.
“Our faith in God has been important to us but it’s nice to see somebody physically who can help.
“There is a lot of regret within you that comes to the surface at this time of year when you think of what could have been.
“But there are support mechanisms in place and you will feel part of something that is bigger than you. Just don’t be alone.”