NEW MUM AT SCHOOL HAS A DRINK PROBLEM

Dear Coleen

A NEW family joined my daughter’s school a few months ago. The mum is very unreliable – not turning up to things, not replying to messages and so on.

At first, I thought she was just a bit stressed or disorganised, but the last few times I’ve seen her at school or dropping the kids off somewhere, she’s smelled really strongly of alcohol and was clearly drunk in the middle of the day.

I feel bad for her and want to reach out to see if I can help but I don’t know her very well at all – she keeps the other mums at arm’s length. What do you suggest?

Coleen says

I THINK all you can do is try to be a friend to her and get to know her a bit better.

Maybe there are ways in which you can offer some support and help her to feel more a part of her new community – lifts back from school, playdates and so on.

If you do get to know her better, she might confide in you.

But if she does have an alcohol problem, I’m afraid it’s down to her to acknowledge it and seek help.

She’s the only one who can change things – it can’t be forced on her. Addiction is very powerful and she has to be in a place where she really wants to overcome it.

If she were a close friend or family member, you could ask about her drinking, but she’s not and if you did do that I suspect it would only push her further away and she’d avoid you altogether.

It would be worth getting further advice from Al-Anon, a group for friends and family of alcoholics (visit al-anonuk.org.uk, call 0800 0086 811).