20YRS SINCE WE
GEMMA COLLINS Whether you like her on not, you cannot deny Gemma Collins – or The GC as she’d prefer to be known – instantly makes any TV show 50% more watchable. I understand why the Strictly bookers are loath to put the call in, but they surely accept it must be done this year. ★Most memorable moment: So many to choose from, but trotting around the Celebrity Big Brother garden with a Shetland pony just pips her Dancing On Ice faceplant.
DAVID GEST I had so many insane conversations with David in real life, there was no way I was leaving him off this list. For his campfire stories alone, he should have won I’m A Celebrity in 2006. ★Most memorable moment: Typical David, he was asleep throughout his finest hour back in 2016: Angie Bowie telling their fellow CBB housemate Tiffany Pollard, “David’s dead” and Tiffany thinking she meant David Gest, not David Bowie. An unfolding drama that could not have been scripted better.
RYLAN CLARK-NEAL He’s made such a name for himself as a TV presenter, it’s sometimes easy to forget that Rylan even took part in The X Factor. He also put a tidy shift in on Celebrity Big Brother. Next stop? Strictly Come Dancing, I reckon. Hosting it, not competing in it. ★Most memorable moment: His dramatic Judges’ Houses tears on hearing Nicole Scherzinger had put him through to the finals. To be fair, it was a big deal back then.
CRAIG REVEL HORWOOD No other UK TV judge has ever come close to Craig Revel Horwood in full-on destruction mode. And you have to admire his bravery. “You had a bizarre vacant look on your face like someone who has just been lobotomised,” he said to a national hero’s mum – Judy Murray – in front of 12 million viewers. ★Most memorable moment: Craig believed he was simply laughing along with Anton’s comedy Austin Powers teeth. Only problem was they were Anton’s real teeth. Even Tess Daly laughed.
REBECCA LOOS Cards-on-the-table time. I’m only including David Beckham’s old pal in this rundown for one reason. What a reason though: possibly reality TV’s most memorable moment ever. Rebecca on Channel 5’s woefully underrated The Farm doing to a male pig what must be done to male pigs on farms in order for more pigs to be made. ★Most memorable moment: Please don’t make me go into further detail.
KATIE PRICE/PETER ANDRE It may have ended badly but for a while this was the greatest love story ever told. It captured the imagination to such an extent that Katie and Peter kept it going for the next five years through various fly-on-the-wall shows for ITV2. ★Most memorable moment: Their TV wedding in 2005. It was like a fairy tale, with Katie’s Cinderella dress and Disney carriage. It even took place in a castle. Pete was a bit sweaty though. Was it an omen?
WAGNER Chico and Jedward are fair shouts, but even they must bow to the king of The X Factor. Giving the retired PE teacher from Brazil a wildcard to the finals in 2010 remains the No.1 contribution to music made by Louis Walsh. Don’t ask me what No.2 is. ★Most memorable moment: Who can forget his She Bangs/ Love Shack medley? Or Cheryl Tweedy tearing into him for calling her “a girl from a council estate who got lucky”? Technically he had
PETER MARSH To say the TV listing for this 2016 Come Dine With Me was an understatement is putting it mildly: “One guest doesn’t react too well when the scores are revealed.” The guest? Grumpy Oxfordshire salesman Peter Marsh. ★Most memorable moment: His losing speech. “Enjoy the money. I hope it makes you happy. Dear Lord, what a sad little life, Jane. You ruined my night completely so you could have the money. And I hope now you can spend it on lessons in grace and decorum. Because you have all the grace of a reversing dump truck, without any tyres on.”
JAYNE MIDDLEMISS The current Love Islanders probably don’t even know who Jayne is, so we can’t expect them to appreciate the debt they all owe her. Her stint on the celebrity version in 2005 featured the kind of awkward love triangle upon which the ITV2 hit now thrives – Jayne, Abi Titmuss and Lee Sharpe. ★Most memorable moment: A toss-up between Jayne’s emotional diary room confessional – “I’m crying on TV. Over a boy” – and her tearing Lee apart on camera over his deception.