Life beyond compare...
Measuring ourselves against others is holding us back,
MOST of us have fallen into the comparison trap at some time in our lives – comparing ourselves to others, be it friends, family or total strangers.
But doing so can hold you back from getting what you want in life.
Whether it’s searching for old school friends online, or envying a former colleague’s jet-set lifestyle, comparing yourself can start as a distraction or a minor annoyance, but it can grow into something more serious.
Here is my advice on how to escape the comparison trap.
LOOK FOR TRIGGERS
Think about what things set you off comparing yourself to others and provoking an intense emotional response.
Do you find yourself searching the names of old pals online to see what they’re doing now, or compare your lifestyle to that of a friend?
Spend five minutes writing down your thoughts.
IDENTIFY PATTERNS
Now you’ve identified your triggers, think about whether there is a pattern. Do you compare yourself to people who appear successful in their careers, seem to have happy family lives, or are particularly stylish?
CHOOSE A ‘COMPASS WORD’
Think of a word that will help you navigate the world. Just as a compass always points north, this word will help guide your decisions in the right direction, away from comparison to others and towards focusing on yourself.
DON’T COMPARE TO YOUR PAST SELF
People often say that the only person you should compare yourself to is yourself. But while this is arguably more positive than comparison to others, what worked for you in the past won’t necessarily work for you now. Don’t let comparison with your past self replace or add to your comparison complex with others.
STOP MORNING SCROLLING
As modern life has developed, mornings have taken on a life of their own – we are checking social media, exercising and getting the kids to school.
Your morning routine determines the rest of your day, so put yourself first and see to all your needs before catching up on emails and social media.
DON’T DIGITAL DETOX
People are often surprised that I advise against taking extended periods of time offline and away from social media. I don’t believe extremes work in this scenario. Yes, you should not feel dependent on your device, and no, it should not monopolise your time. But the solution lies in changes to behaviour and a different approach to social media, not just interrupted use. Tweaks can make all the difference.
UNFOLLOW PEOPLE
Whether you follow someone on social media, or they follow you, it’s little or no reflection of your real-life connection.
For example, I don’t follow a friend’s social media account documenting her house renovation because I don’t care what it’s costing or how quickly the paint is drying. Yet I will be at her housewarming, with champagne to congratulate her on her hard work.
If someone’s social media feed doesn’t interest you or you don’t like what you see, don’t be afraid to unfollow them.
OWN YOUR CONFIDENCE
Without self-confidence, words go unsaid, ideas undeveloped and your time is often spent on the wrong things, with the wrong people, because we feel too scared to make a change.
This leads to a growing sense of discontent and in those conditions, comparison thrives and the vicious circle continues.
To order The Comparison Cure by Lucy Sheridan (£14.99, Orion) call 01872 562 310