A festival of Brexit.. what could possibly go wrong?
Cold Ticket OF THE WEEK
MISSED out on a Glastonbury ticket? Can’t afford a flight to Coachella?
Good news – they’ve announced a “Festival of Brexit”. The festival will take place in 2022, and will be called Festival 2022.
It’s just the sort of inventive name you’d expect from the creative minds that brought you “becoming the laughing stock of Europe” and “allowing Nigel Farage to become a prominent figure in British politics”.
Personally, I think GMMNSMT would have been more appropriate.
The festival was initially devised by Theresa May, a politician whose legacy will be future generations asking “Who’s Theresa May?” and future generations’ grandparents replying “Oh … HER”.
She had originally devised the idea in 2018, being the only person in Britain who witnessed her 2017 snap election and still thought it was a good idea to let May devise things.
Festival director Martin Green told The Observer that he hopes it will give Britons “a bit of joy, hope and happiness”.
A noble aim but the only way a Brexit festival could provide joy, hope and happiness would be if it ended with Article 50 being revoked.
With Sir Paul McCartney headlining Glastonbury, there are now two forthcoming festivals that will be headlined by a pensioner banging on about yesterday.
Although the performers are yet to be announced, we can expect a line-up so grim even TRNSMT will be entitled to look down on it.
No doubt we’ll see performances from lame parody acts with names like Article 50 Cent, Farage Against The Machine and Morrissey.
The event is expected to cost taxpayers £120million – a figure which would be enough to pay for dozens of hospital beds and keep Michael Gove in adult nappies for weeks.
A festival is a massive operation, in which people from all sorts of backgrounds with all sorts of different skills work together to ensure that everyone is safe and has access to everything they need.
It doesn’t always work perfectly but it’s better than sitting about miserable on your own. Cough.
Ironically, everyone who shows up to the Festival of Brexit will immediately want to leave.