FAMILY TRYING TO TEAR HER AWAY FROM ME

Dear Coleen

I’M A man in my 40s and in love with a woman whose situation is quite complicated. Her marriage was over long ago but she and her husband still live together (in separate rooms) for the sake of their children, who are 16 and 18.

The intention is that when both children are at university, she and her husband will split officially and start divorce proceedings.

However, while her children have been accepting of me and my relationship with their mother, her husband and her family have given her a really hard time about it.

They believe she shouldn’t be seeing me while he’s under the same roof.

We’re both really upset and don’t know what to do. She feels forced into a corner and forced into making a choice between them and me, which is so unfair.

Have you any advice? Coleen says

HER kids sound well-adjusted and sensible and if they’re OK with the relationship, that’s the main thing.

I feel her husband and other members of her family are more worried about other people’s reaction to the situation because it’s not the “done thing”.

I don’t think your partner should feel bullied into making a choice at all. If anything, perhaps this crisis will force her and her husband to speed up their separation. If their children understand the situation and have accepted it, I don’t see why this shouldn’t happen.

If they are only living under the same roof for the children’s sake, she should put it to the them and see how they feel about moving forward with the separation before university.

I think that’s better for their wellbeing than living in the same house with two warring parents who don’t want to be together.