To be Frankie, I came out of the womb anxious
Saturdays singer hopes her new book will help others with mental health issues, she tells HANNAH STEPHENSON
FRANKIE Bridge looks like she hasn’t a care in the world. But the reality is she has suffered a lifetime of mental health issues, ranging from anxiety and an eating disorder to a breakdown at 23.
Her experiences have prompted the former Saturdays singer to write a memoir, Open, in which she discusses her experiences in the hope that others will find it helpful.
Bridge, 31 – who lives in Surrey with her husband, retired Premier League footballer Wayne Bridge and their sons, Parker, six, and Carter, four – admitted writing the book unsettled her mental health.
She said: “It was weird. I went into it naively. I thought it would be easy because I feel so far removed from the girl that I was when I had my breakdown, that I’d find it easy to talk about.
“But writing about it did quite affect me. I feel fine now that it’s done.”
An ambassador for mental health charity Mind, Frankie has talked about her experiences for years.
“My depression is chemical, not circumstantial,” she said. “I was anxious from a young age, I came out the womb that way, it’s just part of my personality, and had mental health been spoken about like it is now, maybe it wouldn’t have escalated with me not having control over it.”
She reveals she had suicidal thoughts, although she never tried to take her life.
“I was terrified of dying. I was too scared to do it,” she said. “With depression and anxiety, you are constantly overthinking things and analysing in your head. Sometimes you just want some quiet. You can’t sleep and you don’t find enjoyment in anything. Sometimes you just think, ‘What’s the point?’
“You have this feeling of such self-hatred that you genuinely believe everyone in your life that you love would be better off without you there.
“It’s not until that lifts a bit that you realise that’s not true. But at the time, you think you’d be doing everyone a favour if you weren’t around.”
The worst time, she recalls, was the build-up to admitting herself to the Nightingale Hospital in London. She said: “I just felt so out of control and lost. I had no idea what was going on. It was a really scary time.
“I believe going into hospital saved my life. It gave me the time I needed to learn about myself and to figure out my medication and have all the therapy I needed.
“It didn’t fix me but it made me the person I am today and gave me back control of myself.”
Frankie still has therapy and is on medication. She said: “I think I’ll be on anti-depressants for life. My GP doesn’t make me feel bad about that. Whatever gets me through the day and through life, I’ll do it.”
In the early days of her relationship with Wayne, her illness put pressure on them both, but they’ve been together 10 years now.
Frankie said: “If Wayne was going to jump ship, he could have done it then but he didn’t, so I think we’ve both always been aware that we’ve put a lot into our relationship. Obviously it puts an extra strain on it that other relationships don’t have.”
The medication affects her sex drive, she says, noting in the book that her low libido has been a recurring issue in her relationship.
She wrote: “It must be hard for Wayne to accept that my lack of interest in sex is because of my medication and has nothing to do with my feelings for him, or how much I am attracted to him.”
Frankie believes her book could help others who are struggling with their self-esteem.
She said: “I hope it will educate people, in the way that I learned to understand it, and reach out to people who have mental health problems or know someone that does, and help people not feel alone.”
● Open by Frankie Bridge, £18.99, is out now.