HOW CAN I MEND MY BROKEN FAMILY?

Dear Coleen

I WROTE to you two-and-a-half years ago when my daughter had a stroke at 49. She’s now getting over it, thankfully.

My problem is, before she had the stroke, my son’s wife fell out with her and never got in touch to ask how she was feeling and coping.

I know why they fell out – my daughter’s husband left her for a woman that she and my daughter-in-law worked with, but that’s a long story.

In May, my son’s twin daughters will be 21 and are having a party, and I know my daughter and my granddaughter won’t be invited.

It’s no good saying anything to my son because he won’t do anything for fear of upsetting his wife. My daughter will be upset though, and I don’t know what to do. I’m 76 and a widow and feel so upset because I don’t know how to mend my broken family.

Can you help?

Coleen says

I’M glad to hear your daughter’s recovering well. I think it’s sad that you’ve taken on all this stress and wonder why your son doesn’t intervene – it’s his sister after all.

And I wonder why neither he nor his wife are able to find any empathy for your daughter who’s been ill and was abandoned by her husband for another woman. So, I think you should speak to your son and perhaps explain the toll this is taking on you.

You can’t force people to patch up their differences and get along but, perhaps for your sake and the sake of the wider family, you could get to a situation where your daughter and your daughterin-law can at least attend family events and be civil to each other.

All you can do is make your point but, as sad as it is, it shouldn’t be your job to sort out their argument.

Instead, try to direct your energy positively towards your daughter and granddaughter.