DREADING MOTHER’S DAY WITHOUT HER

I THINK the man whose wife spends all her weekends away with other people should start thinking about himself and what he wants from life (Dear Coleen, February 13). I hate to say it but it sounds as if she’s looking to replace him.

Dear Coleen

I’M not sure how I’m going to cope on Mother’s Day as I lost my mum nearly a year ago. I’ve started seeing adverts for flowers and gifts and I feel like sobbing. She died suddenly so it was a huge shock and I’m still coming to terms with it.

I have one son, who’s four, so he has been a wonderful distraction – I don’t know what I’d have done without him to focus on. I don’t want to ruin the day for him but I’ll probably want to stay in bed and pull the duvet over my head. Can you offer any help? sending them to mark anniversaries and holidays. The first year of birthdays and Christmas is the hardest, but it does get easier.

What you have to remember is that your mum wouldn’t want you to lie in bed all day with the duvet over your head when your little boy’s there, excited to celebrate his mummy.

I’d hate to think of my kids doing that. Your son will probably want to jump on your bed with his homemade card or a little flower.

You don’t have to go out and celebrate – you could say to your son, “As it’s Mother’s Day, I get to choose what we do” and then maybe have a movie or a board games day with you at home with some cake, or have a walk in the park. And if you want to take yourself off to the loo and have a cry, that’s fine, too.

It does help having your son to focus on, however, as it’s not just about one day. Grief is a funny thing and it affects all of us differently – it can last a long time and it can pop up to surprise us when we least expect it.

Perhaps some bereavement counselling would help – a safe space where you can express exactly how you’re feeling and work through it.