My man’s anti-marriage so I want to pop question

Dear Coleen

AS it’s a leap year, I’m thinking of asking my long-term boyfriend to marry me. I know it probably sounds really cheesy but I think it will be quite romantic.

We’ve been together for eight years and we’re both 34. The thing is, he doesn’t like it when I bring up “marriage talk”. His parents divorced when he was quite young, which I’m sure is part of it.

His experience of marriage wasn’t a happy one, so I think his philosophy is, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, and I don’t think getting married has ever been part of his plan.

However, I really want to move our relationship on after being together a long time.

We live together and share a mortgage, so we’re as good as married I suppose but it does feel like there’s something missing.

Most of our friends are married or getting married and a few of them have children and I can’t help wanting the same, even though I’m happy with my boyfriend. It feels normal to me to want to move forward and I just feel a bit stuck at the moment.

Do you think it’s a bad idea to pop the question? I’d love your advice.

Coleen says

I THINK what’s missing here is open and honest communication. You’re gambling a lot on one day and I think these are discussions you should be having over a period of time to work out what each of you wants and how you move forward.

However, if you really want to do it to prove to him how committed you are, then follow your heart but think carefully about how you do it.

I definitely think it’s a bad idea to do it in any big, lavish way or in front of other people!

You don’t want him to feel pressured into saying yes and then go back on it later or say no straight away, so you feel mortified. Why not ask him privately on a romantic stroll or over a relaxed dinner for two?

However, if you’re telling me he’s never been interested in marriage, I think you have to be prepared to be disappointed. Then you have to decide if carrying on the way you are is enough for you.

Remember, though, that saying he doesn’t want to get married isn’t the same thing as saying he doesn’t love you. He might just be frightened of repeating his parents’ mistakes or going through the whole pomp and circumstance of a big wedding. You could always elope.

“We’re as good as married but something’s missing for me