PARENTS WON’T SUPPORT MY MARRIAGE

Dear Coleen

I’M a 27-year-old woman and I’ve been dating someone for four months who’s a bit younger – 22. Recently we got engaged – I know it seems fast, but we’re in love and I feel ready to make the commitment.

The problem is my parents – they’re really against me getting married. I feel they’re treating me like a teenager when I’m a grown woman who’s capable of making decisions about my future.

They think it’s too soon and that he’s still quite young (he’s only a year out of uni) and isn’t ready for marriage.

We want to get married this summer and I would really like their support but they’re being so miserable. I think they’re hoping it’ll just “go away”. I feel so angry – can you offer any advice?

Coleen says

YES, it’s still early days in the relationship and I wonder why you’re in such a rush to tie the knot instead of just enjoying this exciting time and finding out about each other.

It doesn’t sound like your parents want you to split up with your boyfriend but are just advising you to take a bit more time to get to know each other.

I understand it’s frustrating – you’re in love – but, trust me, I’ve had so many letters from people who’ve married quickly only to regret it later.

You obviously don’t need their permission to get married – so, if you want, you can go off and do it. However, if you want your parents’ help financially and their involvement, I wonder if there’s a compromise.

I don’t think your parents have taken this view to spite you – I think they’re being protective and don’t want you to be in a position where you regret rushing into marriage with someone you’ve only known a short time.

Even when you’re in a solid relationship, it’s important to have family around, so it might be worth taking a pause and seeing if you can work something out that you’re all happy with.