PAL’S WEDDING IS COSTING ME DEAR

Dear Coleen

ONE of my very good friends is getting married for the second time.

She married for the first time at 28 – she’s now 38 and this wedding is even more lavish than the first one, which was a pretty big affair.

She wants me to be bridesmaid (again) and everything is just snowballing into this really expensive affair – from the gifts to the hen weekend – and I just can’t afford it.

I don’t want to sound miserable but I haven’t even had one wedding myself and I feel obliged to spend a small fortune on her second.

Am I bad to feel like this? It all just seems too much and I do wonder if she’s missing the point.

Coleen says

WELL, you do sound a bit miserable. However, if you haven’t the money for some of the things she’s expecting you to do, then speak up. I think that’s totally fair enough. If you can’t afford the hen weekend, then suggest going out with her for dinner instead or host some drinks at yours when she gets back.

Not everyone can afford these big weekends away and, if you’re the bride and that’s what you want to do, I’m afraid you have to expect some people to drop out.

As for the gift, make something or give her a small personal gift – you don’t have to stick to the registry of expensive kitchen equipment and crockery.

It sounds like the “big” day is going ahead, so don’t miss out on the celebrations, but don’t take part in the bits that you can’t afford. If she’s a good friend, she ought to understand.