How to cope with Mother’s Day if she has passed away

Looking on as others celebrate can be too much to take for many people, so our experts have tips to help this Sunday

WHILE this Mother’s Day will be different because of coronavirus, it will be even harder for those whose mum is no longer here.

It can be a difficult day with a longing for the mother whose loss has left a gaping hole in the family.

Such feelings are something funeral director and grief recovery specialist Lianna Champ understands after her mum died in 2011.

She said: “I felt like a bicycle that had its stabilisers ripped off. I wobbled. A lot.” She wrote How to Grieve Like A Champ to help others deal with their loss.

Here, Lianna and Child Bereavement UK (childbereavementuk.org), working with Busy Bees Nurseries (busybeeschildcare. co.uk), suggest ways to get through Mother’s Day.

Call those who else were special to your mum, advised Lianna. “By reminiscing, you’re

BY LISA SALMON showing how important she was, and still is, in your life.”

CBUK points out that children who have lost their mum may hear other children talking about theirs and feel excluded, upset or confused.

The charity’s Sarah Harris said: “Children are generally more able to deal with difficult truths than we may think, so try to answer honestly, using age-appropriate language.”

Don’t cut yourself off. Try to be with people you love and feel comfortable with.

Old rituals can be hard to let go, particularly if you feel not doing them will take you further away from your mum.

Lianna said: “Trying to keep those traditions shared with our mums can make us feel even lonelier, therefore we should try something new.”

Lianna said: “Each year my sister buys mum a lovely

Mother’s Day card and pins it on her family kitchen board, gets the photos out,” .

Every year, Lianna buys an orchid for her mum. She said: “The times I feed and nurture it, I am with mum.”

Perhaps you could cook her favourite meal, look at photos, visit a place that reminds you of her with your child or create a memory jar.

Plant some spring bulbs for next year. Seeing them grow will make you feel closer to her.

Don’t put yourself under pressure to conform. It’s fine to have a quieter day.

Lianna said: “We need to share our tears as well as laughter. This is perfectly healthy and normal.”

For child bereavement support and information, call CBUK on 0800 02 888 40.