Howtosurvive self-isolation
Relationship expert Dr Kalanit Ben-Ari tells Maria Croce what families can do to adapt to the coronavirus crisis
YOU’RE probably not used to spending every moment of the day with your other half – but that could well become a reality if you’re locked together in self-isolation.
And, as much as you might love someone, being with them 24/7 could prove a challenge.
But relationship expert, psychologist and therapist Dr Kalanit Ben-Ari, who runs Ready for Love courses, says you can use the time to improve your partnership.
Here are his tips on how to cope working from home with your partner to make your relationship stronger and happier.
1. Agree on household responsibilities
This can minimise conflict. Taking care of your responsibilities while respecting and trusting your partner’s decisions and performance is the key to a good relationship, said Dr Kalanit.
Have a family meeting to discuss and manage everyone’s expectations, needs and responsibilities. It’s not what you say but the way you say things.
2. Leave work concerns outside “home time”
Working from home means that boundaries between work concerns and home are crossed. Write everything work related down in a notebook during the last “work hour” of the day.
Knowing this will be there for the next day will help you let go for the evening.
3. Separate work and leisure
When working in the same space, it’s important to have experiences that bring energy to the relationship.
As you are “trapped” at home, it might feel challenging but this is the best time to try the hobby you never had time for or the book you never started. Talk about when you’ll have time alone together.
4. Invest in romance and pleasure
Tensions are running high so it’s important to invest in romance. Leave notes for your partner, introduce role-play to intimate scenarios, send them a thoughtful text, do something small to help them out.
Plan specific daily time to talk about anything but work, the kids or the virus. Talk about exciting future plans, reminisce about past experiences, discuss a movie you watched, or discover new things about each other.
5. Keep a routine
You might want to relax some daily routines like waking up a little bit later or allowing your kids more screen time.
But having a routine will help you all to focus, regulate anxiety and avoid conflict.
6. Think ahead
Ask yourself what message you want to pass on to your children. In 20 years’ time when they tell their children about the coronavirus, what will they say about how your family got through it?
7. Stay positive
Ask yourself about what new possibilities can come from this situation? It’s the chance to maintain an honest and close emotional conversation with your children, to strengthen their and your resilience, cognitive flexibility and connection.
8. Find the fun
Humour is a great source of emotional wellbeing and self-regulation.
Think about the new skill or hobby you’ve always wanted to learn, keep active such as dancing around the room as movement helps regulate your nervous system and clear your mind.
The Ready for Love courses by Dr Kalanit Ben-Ari are available at www.readyforlove.today