Lover threatens to tell hubby about our affair

“I told him I was going back to hubby and he flipped

Dear Coleen

I’M IN a horrible situation. I’m a married woman, aged 35, and have been having an affair with a younger guy, who’s 27. I was bored with my marriage and also the fact my husband never listens to me, so was very flattered when this other man started paying me attention.

It started with drinks after work and then I began going over to his place for sex, which was great.

But it wasn’t just about the physical side of things – I genuinely like him and he’s caring and good fun to be around.

However, I’ve now decided that I do want to try to make my marriage work and I have to end the affair.

The problem is, the man I’m cheating with is in love with me and when I spoke to him last week and said I wanted to end it to focus on my marriage, he reacted really badly.

He was upset and pleading with me not to do it. He even said if I couldn’t pluck up the courage to tell my husband then he would.

Now I’m paranoid about him getting in touch with my partner and telling him about our affair.

He doesn’t have personal contact details for him, but he does know where he works, so could easily call or send a letter or an email.

What can I do? I lie awake at night worrying about it.

Coleen says

I THINK you should try speaking to him, explaining that you can’t stop him telling your husband if that’s what he wants to do but it won’t make you change your mind and stay with him. In fact, it would have completely the opposite effect.

And if he really threatens you with exposing the affair and you genuinely think your husband will find out, then I think you should be the one to tell him. If it’s going to come out, it’s better coming from you.

Of course, that’s a really hard thing to do and it’s a gamble, but it’s also an opportunity to talk about why it happened and what it made you realise about your marriage which then prompted you to try and recover from it.

The other side of things is that he might leave you or want to take a break to decide if he wants to end the marriage for good.

Try appealing to this guy’s common sense first – what will he achieve by telling your husband? He’s young enough to get over this and find someone who’s free to be in a relationship. And he can take whatever he learns from this into future relationships. But even if he doesn’t spill the beans, it’s not a ‘get out of jail free’ card – you have to focus on your marriage and decide if you’re prepared to put in the effort to revive it.