CONFUSED ABOUT SEXUALITY AND WHO I AM

Dear Coleen

I’M A woman in my early 20s and I’m confused about my sexuality. I think I might be gay, as I’m more attracted to women, but I’ve never had a relationship or any kind of sexual experience with a woman.

I’ve dated boys and men in the past and had one semi-serious relationship, so does this make me bisexual? I’m not sure who I am any more.

I’m also worried about how my family would feel if I did come out as gay or bisexual, as my parents are quite conservative and everyone in my family is straight. Can you offer any advice?

Coleen says

YOU sound scared of being yourself because everyone in your family is straight – it’s almost as if you’re trying to force yourself into a straight relationship while fancying women secretly.

But, honestly, you don’t have to come out as anything to anybody and you don’t have to put a label on yourself. In the future, you might fall in love with a woman or with a man, but you’ll be falling in love with the person and not with their gender. You’re at a time in your life when it’s normal to experiment and find out more about who you are. You have to find your own path and, once you find it, then you can deal with it.

If you realise you are gay and want to come out to your family, you might be surprised by how they react – just because they’re all in straight relationships, doesn’t mean they’re homophobic. And, of course, they love you.

But talk to them when you feel ready and allow yourself the space to enjoy life and discover more about yourself and what you like.