Ex regrets sexy Snapchats and now she wants me back

Dear Coleen

RECENTLY I discovered my girlfriend – well, now ex-girlfriend – was cheating on me. We were together for three years and I was even planning on proposing to her this year.

I found out she was cheating on me when she left her phone out and I saw she was getting constant Snapchats from one person, which I found weird as she always told me she hates Snapchat. I saw all the messages and she was flirting and talking sexually with some guy she met online.

When I found out, I packed my things and left. Since then, she’s been really down, tearful, and going through stages of regret.

She’s always had trouble speaking about her emotions, which is why I think she couldn’t talk to me about what was wrong in our relationship before things went too far.

She’s now asking for a second chance, but I’m not sure if I should – I feel lost over what to do. I do miss her and I still love her, but I don’t know what to do about it. I have been seeing someone else lately, but I really don’t feel a spark between us. Maybe it’s because I’m not over what my ex or what she did. Any advice?

Coleen says

I GUESS the only way you’ll be able to move on either way is to sit down and talk to her, so she can explain and you can have your say, too. Try really hard not to argue or shout – listen to her and then make your decision.

When trust is broken it takes a lot to get it back, but it’s not impossible if you really want things to work. But I don’t think you can expect things to be rosy again overnight.

If you don’t listen to her, you’ll never understand why she cheated. Some of what she says might be aimed at you – that you’re not very romantic or attentive, for example.

I’m not suggesting you should take the blame for her cheating, but I think you can learn from what’s happened, so if you do move on to another relationship, you’ll know these are things you might need to work on.

She should have talked to you about what was wrong instead of having an affair and I’m sure she’s learned a big lesson, too. When I was younger, I had an affair because I didn’t address what was wrong in my relationship and I learned that I never wanted to put myself or a partner through that heartache again.

It can be really painful to talk about these things, but it’s worth it – whichever decision you end up making. If you’re not ready to be with someone else, then be honest with this girl you’re dating – tell her you enjoy seeing her, but aren’t sure you’re ready for a serious relationship.

She’s asking for a second chance, but I’m not sure