JUST CAN’T GET TURNED ON BY MY HUSBAND

Dear Coleen

I’M a woman in my early 40s, I’ve been married for 11 years and we have two young kids. My husband is a good guy and a great father but I’m just not attracted to him sexually any more and it’s become a big issue during this lockdown.

We still have sex occasionally because I feel bad but, whenever we do it, I have to think about other men to feel turned on.

I feel awful about this because my husband is my best friend – I just don’t fancy him and believe that ship has sailed for good. Where do I go from here? I love him as a person and don’t want to hurt him although I think it’s unavoidable.

Coleen says

THIS is a tough situation and I’m sure you feel really sad that things have got to this point. It would be a lot easier to end the relationship and feel OK about it if he’d done something horrible like cheating on you.

Look, it’s not fair on either of you to stay if you’re not in love with him any more, but I think you do need to talk to him about how you feel, however difficult it is.

If you don’t and you just carry on fantasising about other men, you might be vulnerable to having an affair and that would be a worse scenario.

If you really think the physical side of your relationship can’t be revived with effort from the two of you or with the help of a psychosexual counsellor, then you need to be honest about that and discuss what the next step is.

You sound like you’re great mates, a good parenting team and very supportive of one another, and it is possible for that side of your relationship to survive if the marriage ends.