Dear Coleen

I’M a single woman aged 44 and before lockdown I had some fertility investigations and was told that I’m menopausal (already) and have no chance of becoming pregnant naturally.

I don’t know why this has hit me so hard – I’m not stupid and know my age is against me but I guess I’ve seen other women have babies at my age and even older.

I don’t want to give up on being a mum but it feels kind of hopeless and I’ve got really down about it during lockdown.

I’d love some advice. and financially – but, if it’s something you want to pursue, then reach out for all the help that’s offered, ie professional counselling, as well as support from friends and family. There are several support groups, too, such as fertilityfriends.co.uk.

It’s also important to stay realistic about your chances, which I know is tough when you want something so badly but, if you don’t, you could leave yourself vulnerable to depression.

Even if you decide not to go for fertility treatment, I think counselling would be a really good idea to help you work through how you arrived at this point and possibly even how you can make peace with the possibility of not being a parent. It’s important to look after your mental wellbeing and work through feelings of loss.

There are of course other avenues – adoption, fostering and surrogacy, and there’s plenty of information online.

I think the important thing is to do lots of research and speak to experts so you’re armed with as much information as possible and can make an informed decision. Good luck.