HAVING DOUBTS NOW MY EX IS BACK ON SCENE

Dear Coleen

I’M A man in my early 30s and live with my girlfriend of five years. Recently, I reconnected with my ex in a WhatsApp group, and we’ve been messaging each other since.

I’ve thought about her a lot over the years and I stay in touch with her brother and a couple of her friends. I’m always keen to find out what she’s been doing.

I love my girlfriend and I suppose we’re happy but things aren’t as passionate as they were with my ex and I don’t think they ever will be.

My dilemma is that my ex and me have started flirting a lot over WhatsApp and I can’t wait to get her messages, which I’ve obviously been hiding from my girlfriend.

All those intense feelings have come back, which has made me question my current relationship – can you help?

Coleen says

I GET a lot of letters from people who say they’re in love with an ex.

What you have to keep asking yourself is, why is she my ex?

There must have been good reasons for ending the relationship, so what makes you think those issues won’t still be there if you did get back together?

At the moment, you’re remembering the good times and the passion but what about all the rubbish times? I think you need to remove your rose-tinted specs.

Many of us have reconnected with old friends and even old flames during lockdown, and it feels good to share memories.

However, I think you need to turn your attention to your relationship and work out if it’s what you really want.

Do you need to nurture it more or has it run its course?

Be honest with your girlfriend about how you’re feeling.