EX IS BACK BUT WANTS TO KEEP SEEING OTHERS

Dear Coleen

RECENTLY my ex got back in contact with me and I couldn’t have been happier. She’s recently graduated from university and we first began dating when she started uni. We talked for ages and ended up hugging and kissing, and then in bed. Just having her in my arms again was magical.

Obviously, I asked what this meant for “us” and she was clear that she just wants to be friends.

I lied to her in the past and she’s having trust issues now. She wants time to explore her options and is currently seeing someone else, too.

The thought of her being with another guy makes me sick to my stomach. I’m glad she wants me in her life but I’m always going to want to get back together with her properly. I’d love your advice.

Coleen says

WELL, it sounds as if she’s come back into your life as a friend with benefits. I can’t criticise her because she’s been very honest with you. She loves seeing you and wants you in her life, but she’s not ready to commit to anything more serious.

So, it’s down to you I’m afraid to decide if you’re willing to put up with that arrangement. If you can’t handle the fact the relationship isn’t exclusive, then you have to stop seeing her. The trouble is, if you just carry on, waiting for her to throw you a bone, you’ll stop yourself meeting someone else who does want to be in a relationship with you.

Maybe if you agree to keeping things casual on the understanding that you’ll see other people too, it might make her think about what she really wants. Pressurising her to commit to you, especially if she’s not ready to trust you again, will just drive her in the opposite direction.

It’s not what she wants right now and you have to respect that.