MY WIFE IS IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE

Dear Coleen

I’VE been married for five years and we have no children. A couple of weeks ago, my wife admitted to me that she was in love with another man and wanted a divorce. She says nothing has happened with this guy and never will because he’s happily married, but it’s made her realise that our marriage isn’t right.

I begged her to reconsider and suggested counselling, but her mind is made up. She says she’s been thinking about it for a long time and is clear about what she wants.

I’m shocked and heartbroken, but there doesn’t seem to be a way back.

Why didn’t I see this coming and do you have any advice?

Coleen says

THIS must have been a big shock and I think what really hurts is she didn’t have any discussions with you about your relationship so you could have a say, she’s just presented the end of the marriage as a done deal.

She’s saying, “I’m finished with this and there’s nothing more to say”.

That’s very unfair because talking would help you to understand what led to her decision in terms of being able to move on with your life. So I would ask her again to talk to you about it, not because you expect her to change her mind, but so you can understand it.

If she won’t do that, then I think it would be good to talk to a therapist, so you do have an outlet for your feelings and it’ll help you to navigate the separation.

There’s no getting away from it, this is going to hurt for a while and it will take time to feel better, but you will. You deserve to be with someone who loves you back.