BOYFRIEND IS JEALOUS OF MY MATES

Dear Coleen

I’VE been seeing my boyfriend for just over a year and it’s going well. My only problem is that he seems quite jealous of my friends.

I have a big group of close female friends, we’re all in our 20s and I see them a lot. We go away on weekends together and went on annual holidays before lockdown. Recently we’ve been on Skype a lot and seeing each other for walks and drinks in the garden.

He’s never tried to stop me from seeing them, but he gets a bit whingey whenever I’m with them and says that I spend more time with them than I do with him.

I guess I do see them a lot, but that’s no reflection on him. I was single for ages and they were my support network. What do you think – does he have a point?

Coleen says

NO, I don’t think he has a point. And I think you have to be a bit careful if he’s making you feel guilty. You should be able to manage seeing your friends and your partner, and it’s important to have a balance.

The red flag for me is that things have been fine for a year and it’s only now your friendships are bothering him.

What’s the next step – cancelling arrangements with friends because you don’t want to upset him, or not telling him you’re seeing your mates? That’s when it starts to feel controlling. If you start giving in to him for an easy life, you’ll fall into a pattern and, before you know it, you won’t be seeing your mates at all.

As long as you’re spending time with him, too, I don’t see what his problem is. You could of course include him sometimes and go out with your mates and their partners. You don’t always have to be separate entities and he can get to know them better.