FAMILY SHUNS HUSBAND WHO HAD AN AFFAIR

Dear Coleen

MY husband of 20 years had an affair last year. When I found out about it I felt heartbroken and humiliated, especially as the other woman was a family friend.

Despite everything, I decided to give him another chance, not least because we have two kids and run a business together.

The problem is, while I’ve been trying hard to work on my marriage, my parents and wider family don’t want anything to do with my husband.

They found out about the affair and, since then, my husband doesn’t exist as far as they’re concerned. Can you help?

Coleen says

FIRST of all, I hope you’re working on your marriage for you and because you still love your husband and not just for the kids or because of the business.

Those reasons you mention aren’t good enough and won’t keep you together – you have to want to do it for yourself.

As for your family, they’re angry because he hurt you and they’re worried he’s going to let you down again. They’re probably also disappointed because he didn’t turn out to be the man they thought he was – he’s hurt them too. So I understand how they feel.

However, your husband is still in your life and they will have to accept that.

I think the best way to tackle it is to explain that you’re working on your marriage and it would help you (not him) if they could accept that. I think if you reach out and ask for their support, they might adjust their mindset.

Finally, you say you’re trying to work hard on your marriage – I hope your husband is too because he’s the one who needs to prove he’s worth keeping.