SCARED HE’S CHEATING AT TENNIS CLUB

Dear Coleen

MY husband and I are both in our 50s and have two daughters, aged 18 and 20.

Over the past few weeks, his behaviour has changed and he’s been going to the local tennis club a lot. He’s lost weight, bought smart new kit and had his teeth whitened. He’s like a new man.

I should be happy about this as he looks great but I can’t help feeling suspicious because the last time he acted like this he was having an affair.

This was years ago when our girls were small and, since then, our marriage has been good.

I want to ask him if anything is going on but I guess I’m worried about the outcome.

We’ve settled into a happy routine over the years and I don’t want to spoil that.

Coleen says

IF it’s eating away at you and bringing up past traumas because he’s showing the same traits, then you have to ask him.

If you keep bottling it up, you’ll drive yourself mad and everything he does will be a sign he’s cheating.

Perhaps you don’t want to go in for the kill straight away, so why not suggest you’d like to go and watch him play tennis and have a drink at the café or bar?

Try to join in and see how he reacts to that.

If he makes a million excuses about why he doesn’t want you there, then face it and ask him if he’s cheating outright.

Whatever the outcome, there’s no point ignoring it now that the suspicion is there.

WITH reference to the reader who’s in a quandary about staying with her older partner (Dear Coleen, August 11), calling him an “old man” – all I have to say is: What!

I’m disgusted by that attitude. He’s always been 24 years older – do the math. She’ll be 70 one day and I wonder how she’d react to being called an “old lady” by someone she loves. Disgusted, by email