Dear Coleen

DEVASTATED MY NEIGHBOUR’S ENDED FLING

LAST year, I began an affair with our new neighbour. He moved into our close and we hit it off right away. Like me, he was married with a young family, but also, like me, he was unhappy with his other half.

We both work from home so there was lots of opportunity for things to happen and when they did, the sex was amazing. More than that, we got on and have the same sense of humour. I was considering leaving my husband and making a life with this man.

However, he recently called me to end things because he thinks his wife is getting suspicious.

I couldn’t stop crying and I’m finding it really hard to move on because I have to see him every day out on our road with his wife and kids. I can’t move away because we can’t afford it – plus, I love the area where I live. I’m broken-hearted.

What can I do?

Coleen says

WELL, the positive here is that he called it off before you left your husband. But, like you say, whether you’re 13 or 41, if a relationship doesn’t work out, it really hurts. But it’s important to remember that the hurt will go, so give yourself time. If you still want to be with your husband, then pour all your energy into making your marriage work.

However, you need to question whether you really want to be with him. Why did you stray in the first place?

Was it the excitement of somebody new, or are there deep cracks in your marriage that were there before this guy came along? Sometimes, when you’re married, you can get into a mundane rut and stop making the effort. You stop flirting and then someone comes along and makes you feel young and fancied again.

Was your fling that? Or would you be happier on your own, whether this guy was on the scene or not? This fling is a sign you have some thinking to do.