He’s not bothered about having a big wedding

Dear Coleen

MY fiancé and I were due to get married in April, but it was postponed because of lockdown. We’ve now rebooked it for October, but because of various restrictions it’s set to be a much quieter wedding with a smaller venue and fewer guests.

My fiancé is fine with this and thinks the important thing is that we get married with our close family and friends there. I sort of agree with him, but I’ve always imagined having the big white wedding with the party afterwards with all our friends there.

We also have a few elderly relatives with underlying health problems who have told us that they probably won’t make it.

I know there are bigger things to worry about, but the new wedding just doesn’t fill me with excitement or happiness and I’m starting to think we should just postpone it until next year or even the year after.

We’re only 28 so we’re in no rush, but my fiancé thinks we should just get married and that the party stuff isn’t important. What do you think?

Coleen says

I AGREE with your fiancé. Be honest for a moment – what are you getting married for? Is it because you want to spend the rest of your life with this man? Or is it for the big day and the party afterwards?

People, especially women, get so wrapped up in the idea of a huge wedding that they forget about why they’re actually doing it. I was in that exact same situation with my first husband.

We had organised a big white wedding, with a gorgeous dress and a huge guest list. I noticed my ex was getting quieter and quieter as the date drew nearer, and he just didn’t seem interested in the day or any of the plans we were making.

Luckily, I noticed and I asked him what was up, and he said, “Look, I just don’t want to do this.” He said it was nothing to do with me, he still wanted to marry me and spend his life with me, but he didn’t want this big wedding that our family members were getting involved with, telling us who we should and shouldn’t invite.

At first I was devastated because I thought he just doesn’t want to be with me. But then I thought, you know what, I want to marry him. That’s what is important here. So we eloped. We didn’t even tell anybody. We booked a holiday to Florida and told our family we were going away and we got married over there six months after what would have been our original wedding day. The only person I told was my sister Maureen because I was so excited, and without me knowing, she flew over and surprised us on our wedding day.

A couple of years later we had a blessing and a party because my dad was very ill and he said his biggest regret was not walking his baby down the aisle and giving her away, so I got to have the big day anyway and wear my dress. What I’m trying to say is you don’t need to spend a fortune and have 100 people watch you get married.

You’re so lucky to have a man who just wants to spend his life with you.

It doesn’t excite me if we can’t have a party